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On 4/14/2020 at 7:06 AM, billybopp said:

LOL @fredk

826129699_CovidAA.jpg.e86b0858e1640264390b263930d71137.jpg

So, does that mean they haven't stopped collecting booze bottles in the U S of A??  Both the Beer Store and the L.C.B.O. have stopped taking bottle returns during the COVID-19 shutdown. Recently, certain Beer Stores started taking them again, but the lineups are insane! Many enterprising local individuals are cashing in on this by volunteering to take people's empties away. There's a local animal rescue farm I support that I donated mine to, and when I dropped them off, my mind boggled at how many bottles and cans they'd already collected! They actually had an 18 wheeler come and take them away... :o

Anyway, here's Ontario emerging from lock-down:

 

 

Emerging from lockdown.jpg

Edited by Sheilajeanne
typo

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Another funny about booze...

Bassists are loaded.jpg

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Thought this was really cute! (And actually on topic - how about that??)

 

 

Jesus shoe repair.jpg

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We should ban pre-shredded cheese and make Britain grate again!!

Shooting

Reports have just come in of someone being shot with a starter pistol................Police believe it may be race related.

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What do you call a mushroom buying everyone drinks at a bar.

 

A fungi to be with.

 

 

I’ll get me coat..............

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I met  Phil Spectors brother Crispin recently........he works in quality control for Walkers

 

During my Well Man check up I asked the doctor whether I could expect a long and healthy life,

" I doubt it" he said.....Not with Mercury in Uranus right now,

I said "I don't believe in all that astrology stuff",

And he said," neither do I, but my thermometer just broke"

Edited by toxo

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Toxo, that first one would go right over the head of anyone not from the U.K. We don't call them 'crisps' on this side of the pond, and  a walker is something your grandmother uses to get around! :P

Second one, oldie, but a goodie! (As a nurse, I've heard it several dozen times at least...)

Okay, this one had me ROTFLOL. Some of the hats worn by High Society in England really are pretty ridiculous, don't you agree?

 

Camilia's hat.jpg

Edited by Sheilajeanne

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:lol:       Ascot has a lot to answer for.

 

Can’t remember where I stole this one.

 

 

A522F154-FABB-4258-9B2C-3C2889E936AE.jpeg

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14 hours ago, toxo said:

During my Well Man check up I asked the doctor whether I could expect a long and healthy life,

" I doubt it" he said.....Not with Mercury in Uranus right now,

I said "I don't believe in all that astrology stuff",

And he said," neither do I, but my thermometer just broke"

DO you know the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?

.

.

.

.

.

The taste.

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I heard a local store is encouraging mask wearing by insisting non-mask wearers must have their temperatures taken.

 

They only use rectal thermometers...  :wacko:

 

Ascot has a lot to answer for.

Lumpen, very true indeed!   :lol:

 

 

Edited by Sheilajeanne

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Truth; for years and years, as a motorcyclist, whenever I went into any shop, I had to remove my helmet, my balaclava and my scarf, even in the coldest of weather, NOW they want me to put on a (bandit) mask!

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I'm sure there's a few of us who can relate to this cartoon! :lol:

Sewing machine and parrot.jpg

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On thermometers

 

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On 7/16/2020 at 9:42 AM, fredk said:

Truth; for years and years, as a motorcyclist, whenever I went into any shop, I had to remove my helmet, my balaclava and my scarf, even in the coldest of weather, NOW they want me to put on a (bandit) mask!

Fred, this one's for you! :P

 

Edit: oh yeah, I remember that scene well!  :lol:

bank masks.png

Edited by Sheilajeanne

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Thanks for that

Two things you can say to the chef in that fancy restaurant which will really annoy him/her

1. What is this supposed to be?

2. Can I have ketchup with this?

True story. I once had a photo assignment to photograph the inside of a newly fitted out restaurant of a famous N.I. chef. The photos were for an architecture magazine and the architect was with me. After doing the photos the famous chef offered and made us lunch.

As we left the restaurant the architect says to me, 'That was nice of XXXX to make us lunch.  Come on over to the 'Crown' and I'll buy us something to eat'

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OMG, that's funny!

 

I remember this cartoon - pretty sure it was The Born Loser. He goes into a fancy restaurant, and orders a steak. He asks the waiter for ketchup. The waiter pauses, rolls his eyes and replies, "NO!"  :lol:

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My room mate did this once when she ran out of dishwasher detergent:

Life-long learning takes time and often a mop.

beginner error: do not use a half cup of Dawn instead of dish detergent

dishwasher detergent.jpg

Edited by Sheilajeanne

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Two men

Two middle aged men are discussing the attributes of an attractive woman in the local pub,

" Yeah, but if you took away her stunning figure, her lovely legs, her beautiful face, her perfect hair........what would you be left with," says the one bloke,

" My missus, " says the other.

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JOB LOSSES

It is with great sadness I have to report the loss of a few local businesses as a result of Covid 19.

A local bra company has gone bust.

A submarine company has gone under.

A manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation.

A dog kennels has had to call in the retriever.

A compant supplying paper for origami has folded.

The local strip club has gone tits up.

Interflora is pruning it's business.

And Dynarod has gone down the drain.

The saddest one of all though is the Ice cream man who was found dead covered in nuts and raspberry sauce. He couldn't take any more and topped himself.

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LOL!

Here's another mask funny:

 

covid musical mask.jpg

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