long time no see

[tashabear]

So I haven't been here for a while, but I have a really, really good excuse.

Back in October, my husband Wolfie and I went to Disney in Florida for a wedding in which I was a bridesmaid. We had a fabulous time -- other than my few issues getting out of the house on the morning we left, it was the first vacation we'd ever been on that didn't involve motorcycles or the SCA. We were even making plans to go back for our tenth anniversary (we'd just celebrated our 5th this past June).

Wolfie and I both got sick right after we got home. I had a rotten cold, but his progressed quickly to an upper respiratory infection, and I took him to the hospital a week after we got back from Florida.

He never came home.

He called it; he got H1N1. It progressed quickly to pneumonia, and 24 hours after being admitted to our local hospital, he was intubated to support his breathing. Ten days after admission, he was transferred to Massachusetts General Hospital. Ten minutes after he arrived in Medical Intensive Care (MICU), he was medically paralyzed. 24 hours later, they put him on ECMO, which stands for Extra Corporeal Membrane Oxygenation -- lung bypass. They usually use ECMO on preemies, but they had good results with ECMO on adults in Australia during their experiences with H1N1, so they've started using it in the US. The problem is that there are maybe 125 facilities in the US, and only one in New England, doing ECMO on adults.

Wolfie was on ECMO for 18 days. They took him off the circuit the day after Thanksgiving, and everything seemed okay at first. Then he had a bad reaction to his antibiotics, and they narrowly brought him through that. That experience left him with almost no reserves, no kidney function, and poor liver function. They'd been unable to change his position during the two weeks on ECMO, so he developed a very serious pressure sore across his glutes.

Then he got another infection, and they were unable to support him anymore. His blood became too acidic for the blood pressure meds to work, and his blood pressure dropped lower and lower and lower... and then his heart stopped at 6:25am on December 15th.

It's been an interesting three weeks in the crappiest possible way, but I'm managing. He drew some tattoo flash for us while I was deployed in 2005, and we never got around to getting it done. I found the flash while he was hospitalized, and resolved to get it done when he recovered. Now it's a memorial; I got it done a week after he died.

(Please excuse the chicken skin.) This is my first tat, and the artist did an AMAZING job. (Wilhelm Scherer at Sanctuary Tattoo in Portland, Maine, if you're interested.)

So that's where I've been, if anyone missed me. I'm getting back into the swing of doing leatherwork -- I'm sitting at his drawing table right now sketching patterns for some bookcovers I need to do for a show at the end of the month. Other than that... I'm hoping to go back to school for respiratory therapy. The RTs who looked after him inspired me. You get to do some very important patient care, and never have to wipe anyone's butt. ;-)

Thanks for reading, kids.

[Tina]

Welcome Back Tashabear...

I'm soooo sorry for your loss, saying anything else would be just to lame.

Love your tattoo, chicken skin or not:-)

[abn]

Tash, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. We've missed you.

[Hilly]

Welcome back Tashabear. I'm very sorry for your loss.

My husband got the H1N1 virus, too. He was very sick for a long time. He developed pneumonia, and then one of his lungs partially collapsed. I thought I might lose him too, so I know at least a little bit of what you went through. The sleepless nights, the worry, the heartache. My heart goes out to you. Hopefully, you can occupy your thoughts a bit with your leatherwork, and with all the wonderful people here on this site. (((((Tasha))))).

Hilly

[CitizenKate]

Yes, I did notice we hadn't seen you around for some time. I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, Tashabear, but we are glad to see you back again. I know I cannot truly understand what it is to experience something like this... we can only try to be good company and send all the kind thoughts your way that we can muster. The tat is very touching and nicely done. Welcome back.

Kate