CFM chuck123wapati Posted April 1 CFM Report Posted April 1 9 hours ago, fredk said: Cows never listen to instructions You tell them to do something and it goes in one ear and out the udder Never trust a pig they'll squeal on you every time. Quote Worked in a prison for 30 years if I aint shiny every time I comment its no big deal, I just don't wave pompoms. “I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a hand on. I don’t do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.” THE DUKE!
toxo Posted April 1 Report Posted April 1 Chinese dustman knocks on the door of a house. A bronzed hunk of a man answers and the dustman says Where you bin? The man says, I've been in Hawaii, do you like my tan? Dustman says Naw naw naw, where you wheelie bin? The man says ok I lied, I've been on the sunbed. Quote
Contributing Member fredk Posted April 1 Author Contributing Member Report Posted April 1 3000 beeves suddenly stampeded Near the back one beeve asked another 'What are we running for?" The second beeve says 'Well, I don't know about you but I'm running for Cancer Research' Quote Al speling misteaks aer all mi own werk..
Members Cattledude Posted April 2 Members Report Posted April 2 Cows kill more people than sharks! ( cows don’t kill sharks ) Quote
Members Sheilajeanne Posted April 4 Members Report Posted April 4 Went to the doctor the other day with a suspicious looking mole. He said they all look like that, and I should have left him in the garden! Quote
toxo Posted April 4 Report Posted April 4 OMG. OK. A man says to the doctor one minute I feel like a wigwam and the next I feel like a teepee. The doctor said you're two tents. Quote
Northmount Posted April 9 Report Posted April 9 A reminder to keep the content here clean for some of the youth that may be here. You can post in the adult section. Quote
Members Sheilajeanne Posted April 11 Members Report Posted April 11 Can't remember if I posted this already: Quote
Members Sheilajeanne Posted April 12 Members Report Posted April 12 "What are the names of your dogs?" "Calvin and Klein." "Isn't that a brand of underwear?" "Exactly. They're boxers!" Quote
Contributing Member fredk Posted April 16 Author Contributing Member Report Posted April 16 After The Flood Noah was seeing all the animal off his ship saying 'Bye now, don't be strangers, visit me. Go forth and multiply' As all the animal wandered off in many directions there were two snakes left Noah said 'Go, go, go forth and multiply' The snakes said 'We can't' 'Why not?' asked Noah 'Cos we'er adders' boom, boom Quote Al speling misteaks aer all mi own werk..
Members Rockrz Posted April 17 Members Report Posted April 17 Well, I was in the doctor's office the other day in the waiting room After waiting for some time a nurse came and wanted to take me to a back room to prep me for a colonoscopy... which I thought was odd because I was at the dentist's office! 🙄 Needless to say.... I'm looking for a new dentist now. Quote
Members Sheilajeanne Posted April 18 Members Report Posted April 18 Well, since this is Easter weekend, here's a nice clean religious joke! At an Easter mass, at which some young ladies were to take their final vows to become nuns, the presiding bishop noticed two rabbis enter the church just before the mass began. They sat down at the back of the church, on the right side of the center aisle. The bishop wondered why they had come but didn't have time to inquire before the mass began. When it came time for some announcements, his curiosity got the best of him. He announced that he was delighted to see two rabbis at the mass but was curious as to why they were present on this occasion, where the young ladies were to become the "Brides of Christ." The eldest of the rabbis rose to his feet and explained, "We're from the family of the Groom." Quote
Members Sheilajeanne Posted Sunday at 05:18 PM Members Report Posted Sunday at 05:18 PM I've replaced my rooster with a duck. Now I wake up at the quack of dawn! Quote
Members Rockrz Posted Sunday at 05:25 PM Members Report Posted Sunday at 05:25 PM On 4/1/2025 at 3:28 AM, toxo said: Oh we're really regressing are we! Two cows in a field. One says to other "What do you think about this mad cow disease?" Other cow said "Doesn't apply to me, I'm a duck ". Ha ha, and we know how that "duck" voted Quote
Members Sheilajeanne Posted Tuesday at 05:13 PM Members Report Posted Tuesday at 05:13 PM Oookay, took me a moment...lol!! Quote
Contributing Member fredk Posted Wednesday at 09:18 AM Author Contributing Member Report Posted Wednesday at 09:18 AM Three teddy-bears got fed up with just sitting on the toy shelf in the nursery They decided to go out and find some useful work They went everywhere looking for work but found they were unskilled and untrained and no-one would employ them Almost on the point of giving up they tried their luck at a builders The boss told them 'I'm short handed with men off sick but I've got to get this job done. You can dig the hole for the foundations. I reckon you can do that' The teddy-bears worked hard digging that hole They worked all month Then on the last day of the month the teddy-bears arrived for work They went to the tool shed to get their tools but found not all the tools were there They told the boss 'Our shovels are there but all our pick-axes are gone!' The boss replied 'Did no-one tell you? Today is the day the teddy-bears have their picks nicked' boom boom I thank you. I'm here all week Quote Al speling misteaks aer all mi own werk..
Members Sheilajeanne Posted Wednesday at 03:45 PM Members Report Posted Wednesday at 03:45 PM That's a groaner for sure, Bob! Quote
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