Contributing Member fredk Posted April 30 Author Contributing Member Report Posted April 30 Three teddy-bears got fed up with just sitting on the toy shelf in the nursery They decided to go out and find some useful work They went everywhere looking for work but found they were unskilled and untrained and no-one would employ them Almost on the point of giving up they tried their luck at a builders The boss told them 'I'm short handed with men off sick but I've got to get this job done. You can dig the hole for the foundations. I reckon you can do that' The teddy-bears worked hard digging that hole They worked all month Then on the last day of the month the teddy-bears arrived for work They went to the tool shed to get their tools but found not all the tools were there They told the boss 'Our shovels are there but all our pick-axes are gone!' The boss replied 'Did no-one tell you? Today is the day the teddy-bears have their picks nicked' boom boom I thank you. I'm here all week Quote Al speling misteaks aer all mi own werk..
Members Sheilajeanne Posted April 30 Members Report Posted April 30 That's a groaner for sure, Bob! Quote
Members Rockrz Posted May 15 Members Report Posted May 15 On 4/1/2025 at 3:28 AM, toxo said: Oh we're really regressing are we! Two cows in a field. One says to other "What do you think about this mad cow disease?" Other cow said "Doesn't apply to me, I'm a duck ". Cows identifying as ducks now, hilarious! I've been needing to lose some weight but instead I think I'll just identify as skinny and see how that works out. Quote
Contributing Member fredk Posted May 20 Author Contributing Member Report Posted May 20 Two hunters hire a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they manage to bag two big bull moose. They come back to the plane and start loading it, but the pilot tells them it can only take them, their gear and one of the moose. "That can't be right," say the hunters. "Last year we shot two as well, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had just the same sort of plane as you." The pilot doesn't want to be outdone by his rival, so reluctantly he gives in and they stuff both moose into the plane. The pilot lines up, opens the throttle, and starts the take-off run. The plane bounces into the air, but it just doesn't have enough power, and down it goes, crashing into the trees. Somehow, surrounded by the moose and all their clothing and sleeping bags, the two hunters survive. They clamber out of the wreckage. "Any idea where we are?" one of them asks. "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year," the other replies. Quote Al speling misteaks aer all mi own werk..
Members Sheilajeanne Posted May 29 Members Report Posted May 29 A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their order. The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries, and a coke.” He turns to the ostrich and asks, “What about you?” “I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich. A few minutes later, the waitress brings the food and says, “That’ll be $9.40.” The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change. No counting. No wallet. Just the right amount. The next day, the same thing happens. Same order. Same ostrich. Same exact change. This goes on for days. Then one Friday night, the man says, “Today I’ll have a steak, baked potato, and a salad.” “Same,” says the ostrich. The waitress brings the food. “That’ll be $32.62.” Once again, the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount. At this point, the waitress can’t hold back. “Sir… how do you always have the exact amount of money? No matter what you order?” The man smiles. “Well, a few years ago, I found an old lamp in the attic. I rubbed it, and a Genie appeared. He gave me two wishes. For the first one, I asked that anytime I needed to pay for something, I’d just reach into my pocket and find the exact amount.” “Wow,” says the waitress. “That’s smart. You’ll never run out of money.” “Exactly,” says the man. “Whether it’s a cup of coffee or a new car, I never need to check. It’s always just there.” She looks at the ostrich and asks, “And the bird?” The man sighs and says, “For my second wish… I asked for a tall chick with long legs who’d follow me around and agree with everything I say.” Quote
Members Sheilajeanne Posted May 30 Members Report Posted May 30 Today is the international day of the potato. I live in an area that is famous for its potatoes. In honour of that here are some potato groaners... What is the difference between a baked sweet potato, and the preserved part of a pig that's been thrown out the window? One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham. What do you call a reluctant potato? A hesitater What do you call a potato wearing glasses? A spectater What do you call a regular potato? A commontater. I can hear the groans all the way up here in Canada... Quote
Members simran Posted May 30 Members Report Posted May 30 Don't quit yer day job, girl! LOL! Quote Simran
Members Sheilajeanne Posted May 31 Members Report Posted May 31 Thank you! I'll be here all week! Quote
Members Sheilajeanne Posted June 7 Members Report Posted June 7 Due to Trump imposing tariffs on Canada, Canadians have been trying very hard to buy Canadian: Quote
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