Poll Time

[DoubleC]

I just finished the brochure. Did business cards a while back, but George printed them out and I didn't get any, LOL. I scanned the card just like i use a swivel knife!!!!! Than ks folks, Cheryl

[DoubleC]

I just finished the brochure. Did business cards a while back, but George printed them out and I didn't get any, LOL. I scanned the card just like i use a swivel knife!!!!! Than ks folks, Cheryl

You guysw are DOWNLOADING my cards and brochure and can't even say ya hate it? I HOPE it's cause you're gonna run copies and help me sell things

[Sylvia]

You guysw are DOWNLOADING my cards and brochure and can't even say ya hate it? I HOPE it's cause you're gonna run copies and help me sell things

Too wordy CC.... business documents like brochures use concise language. A brochure is an advertisement. You have 3 seconds to interest the reader, no more. So you don't want to do anything to detract from your real message which is "Here is my stuff, buy it." Re-write this with an eye on losing prepositional phrases. You also switch back and forth between "you" and "I" in a story which isn't really necessary. . Lose the story or rewrite it so it's not all fairytales and roses, and watch the grammar. Consider a list with bullets

[DoubleC]

Too wordy CC.... business documents like brochures use concise language. A brochure is an advertisement. You have 3 seconds to interest the reader, no more. So you don't want to do anything to detract from your real message which is "Here is my stuff, buy it." Re-write this with an eye on losing prepositional phrases. You also switch back and forth between "you" and "I" in a story which isn't really necessary. . Lose the story or rewrite it so it's not all fairytales and roses, and watch the grammar. Consider a list with bullets

I thought the description might be a tad poetic for people who have horses as a living, not one that owns them. OK< now that we have the things you liked out of the way, what did ya really think?

Do ya 'spose all those people who downloaded it are rewriting it for me? probably not. Syl I AM a fiction writer, and I'd rather get a brochure like that than bullets, but then we all know I'm weird. OK, I can do that, it's no problem if you can just tell me, 'Why another horse and rider store? Then I'll go from there, K? Cheryl

[DoubleC]

Too wordy CC.... business documents like brochures use concise language. A brochure is an advertisement. You have 3 seconds to interest the reader, no more. So you don't want to do anything to detract from your real message which is "Here is my stuff, buy it." Re-write this with an eye on losing prepositional phrases. You also switch back and forth between "you" and "I" in a story which isn't really necessary. . Lose the story or rewrite it so it's not all fairytales and roses, and watch the grammar. Consider a list with bullets

Better?

[DoubleC]

Better?

Why won't my PDF open? Ieverytime i tried it downloaded. I was too tired to print it, scan it and then put it up but will now.

[DoubleC]

I just finished the brochure. Did business cards a while back, but George printed them out and I didn't get any, LOL. I scanned the card just like i use a swivel knife!!!!! Than ks folks, Cheryl

OK new one since you hated the last one ( I'll never use THAT as an option again ) Seriously, I hope this is better

[Sylvia]

OK new one since you hated the last one ( I'll never use THAT as an option again ) Seriously, I hope this is better

It's improved but still needs work.

1. Your business name and logo needs to be large. Almost the entire front 3rd of the page. (Right panel)

2. You need to completely LOSE the "I" statements. Use Double C Cowgirl C.... Like this. "Double C Cowgirl Couture is the only company in (county or city name) which...." and "At Double C Cowgirl Couture, the customer can....", etc. The idea is to repeat the name enough times that when they are done reading the brochure.... they KNOW the company name. (Remember even though you are "DCCC" the business name is more important in this case.)

3. Never ever end a sentence in a preposition. (we do it all the time in speech but it is inappropriate for a business document.) Instead of , "any design you can think of." write it as "Any design you desire." See what I mean?

4. "Why another custom horse and rider place?" Just assume this question. It doesn't need to be a title. A question like you have it forces awkward answers. So just make a series of statements or paragraphs that use DCCC (spelled out) instead of any "I" statements.

5. Use only the BEST picture of "In the eye of the Horse" To me that is the blue one. And scatter the rest of the rhythm beads photos and the Slinky Top through out the document.

6. Get your thesaurus out. Use it to help you find adjectives and adverbs that say many of the same things in a less wordy way. "Luxurious fabrics" "Dynamic Designs." "Genuine Leather" "Custom Creations" "American Made"

Are you going to fold this as a traditional brochure? If so then, is this the inside panels or the outside panels?

Consider making a coupon good for "One Free Custom Design Consultation"

[DoubleC]

It's improved but still needs work.

1. Your business name and logo needs to be large. Almost the entire front 3rd of the page. (Right panel)

2. You need to completely LOSE the "I" statements. Use Double C Cowgirl C.... Like this. "Double C Cowgirl Couture is the only company in (county or city name) which...." and "At Double C Cowgirl Couture, the customer can....", etc. The idea is to repeat the name enough times that when they are done reading the brochure.... they KNOW the company name. (Remember even though you are "DCCC" the business name is more important in this case.)

3. Never ever end a sentence in a preposition. (we do it all the time in speech but it is inappropriate for a business document.) Instead of , "any design you can think of." write it as "Any design you desire." See what I mean?

4. "Why another custom horse and rider place?" Just assume this question. It doesn't need to be a title. A question like you have it forces awkward answers. So just make a series of statements or paragraphs that use DCCC (spelled out) instead of any "I" statements.

5. Use only the BEST picture of "In the eye of the Horse" To me that is the blue one. And scatter the rest of the rhythm beads photos and the Slinky Top through out the document.

6. Get your thesaurus out. Use it to help you find adjectives and adverbs that say many of the same things in a less wordy way. "Luxurious fabrics" "Dynamic Designs." "Genuine Leather" "Custom Creations" "American Made"

Are you going to fold this as a traditional brochure? If so then, is this the inside panels or the outside panels?

Consider making a coupon good for "One Free Custom Design Consultation"

what great ideas. Yes I'm going to fold it, did two today and didn't fold them the same, LOL. George is going to have to help on that, I cannot rotate objects in space in my head like right-brained people can. And these are all good ideas and I appreciate it. I will work on kit more today. Well except.......have you every heard of a non-negotiable? That's what we call it in fiction anyway. I can lose the black eye, but not the brown one. That's Sienna's eye, and is aroun d my neck where it always is for good luck and as a worry stone almost. Everything else I agree absolutely on. c

[Sylvia]

Ok... if this is a "double sided brochure," you'll need to do some serious moving around of things.

For instance if this is the outside of the brochure, the left panel will fold to the inside and the middle and right panels are the outsides.

So...

Outside

Right panel: Big Logo image, almost filling up the entire space. (crop and edit as needed to make it fit) Western Style Font with DCCC (spelled out). Rope border image?

Middle panel: Information... address, phone, Slogan, web address, etc. One photo of eye of the horse (use a frame) and shadow. (use Sienna's eye here)

Left panel: Image (1) of one product and brief description.

Inside:

Right panel: Photo of Tack. and part of the content you currently have on the left panel, edited as suggested earlier

Middle: "eye of the horse" Blue photo here Continue with part of the content , edited.

Left. Rhythm beads, more of the content. End this page with your coupon so it's easy to cut out and use.

Remember these photos are going to be in black and white unless you pay for color printing. So they need to be edited so they are nice and clear, white background, etc. While you are editing.....that one photo with the Tack.... please do what you can to obscure or cut out that Soda Cup and crop it down so it is more about the tack rather than your wall.

Funny you said that about right-brained folks. When I was tested they found I use both sides of my brain equally.