2024, for fun

[Gosut]

I never see my preacher's eyes

He hides their light divine. 

For when he prays he closes his,

And when he preaches, mine.

[Sheilajeanne]

Well, his wife might have something to say about that... 

 

Edited February 24, 2024 by Sheilajeanne

[Gosut]

When a coworker nudged me at a meeting, I was glad I didn't say "Amen!"

[Sheilajeanne]

LOL!

[Sheilajeanne]

A good Canadian joke:

 

Two priests died at the same time, and met Peter at the Pearly Gates.

 

St. Peter said, "I'd like to let you guys in now, but our computer's down, and we can't get it fixed right away.

You will have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. What will it be?"

 

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, flying high over the mountains!"

 

"So be it," says Peter, and off flies the first priest.

 

The second priest mulls it over for a minute, then says, "Will any of this week count towards my salvation?"

 

"No" says St. Pete, "I told you, the computer's down, and there's no way we can keep track of what you are doing."

 

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud!"

 

"So be it!" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

 

A week goes by, the computer gets fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" he asks.

 

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asks the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Saskatchewan!"

 

  Bet you didn't see that one coming!   

 

Edited March 9, 2024 by Sheilajeanne

[fredk]

A sadist meets a masochist at a club

'Lets go back to my place - I  have many different types of whips' says the sadist

When they get there the masochist says 'Tie me up, shackle me'

The sadist does then the masochist says 'Whip me! whip me hard' 

and the sadist 

.

.

.

.

.

.

says 'No'

 

 

[fredk]

Who would have thunk it? 

That you could do this;

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cl7lnzj9ze1o

[Mablung]

2 hours ago, fredk said:

Who would have thunk it? 

That you could do this;

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cl7lnzj9ze1o

Wow, what a concept…I mean, if that’s how you turn animal hides into shoes, where do the leather ones in the stores come from?

[Handstitched]

What type of animal helps you get up in the morning? '' 

 'An A-lama' 

Thats Stoopid !!!!!!!

HS

[Sheilajeanne]

Dad joke...lol.

Another llama Dad joke...

The one L lama, he's a priest

The two L llama, he's a beast

And I will bet my silk pyjama

There isn't any three L lllama.    -- O. Nash,

 

 

 

And a local fire chief with a good sense of humour responded that a three 'L' llama was a really big fire....  

Honestly, this one's so old it creaks! I remember hearing it when i was a kid! :D 

 

Edited May 6, 2024 by Sheilajeanne

[fredk]

I got rid of all my Dusty Springfield CDs

Now I just don't know what to do with my shelf

I just might go Downtown

[Sheilajeanne]

Fred, that was Petula Clark!  

[fredk]

and Dusty covered Downtown

[fredk]

Why are you home so late?

A guy down the pub lost a $100 note

Were you helping him look for it?

No, I was standing on it

[Sheilajeanne]

I went fishing this morning, but after a short time, I ran out of worms.

Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth.

"Frogs are good bass bait," I thought to myself.

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket.

Just then, I realized I had a problem, how was I going to release the snake without getting bit?

So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniel's and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. The snakes eyes rolled back and he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little later, I felt a nudge at my foot.

There was that same snake with two more frogs in his mouth.

Life is good in the South.

[Sheilajeanne]

[fredk]

An old cowboy was sitting in his favourite bar having a drink

In walks a very pretty lady motorcyclist. Puts down her crash helmet and orders 3 fingers of scotch. neat

The cowboy thinks, this is my sort of woman, so he goes over and asks if he could buy her a drink

The woman says no, looks at him, up and down, and says 'I'm lesbian'

Whats that asks the cowboy

'I work hard, I play hard, I drink hard, I ride my motorcycle fast, I make love to women, and I have no truck with men'

The next day a family calls into the bar for eats. The young children are excited and run over to the old cowboy. They ask him ' Mister, are you a REAL cowboy?'

The cowboy thought for a moment then says

'Until yesterday I thought so but today I think I'm a lesbian'

 

[fredk]

Did you know that cowboys hung lanterns from their saddles?

It was the first example of saddlelight navigation.

[Sheilajeanne]

[bladegrinder]

I built this cannon a few years ago, it was really hot out today but I brought it out and shot it off a few times for the 4th of July. Hell Yea!

 

https://youtu.be/HYt-Ikt-YII

[fredk]

What size of ball does it take? a friend had a 3 pounder and it sent his retriever dogs crazy when he shot off a ball - they wanted to fetch the ball back but couldn't find it, it was about a mile away!

[bladegrinder]

It has a 1" bore. I haven't shot any ball out of it yet, I load it with 180 grains of 1F blackpowder and ball up a slice of bread and jam that down. it's a hoot!

[fredk]

That would make it 5 or 6 gauge, about 2.6 to 3 oz ball. That could do some serious damage 

[bladegrinder]

I'm a knifemaker and have a nice heat treating oven, it actually came with programs for clay work. I've thought about making some hard clay balls for it, it would be cheap ammo.

[Sheilajeanne]

Oh, the stories I could tell about my late husband's love of black powder!  

He and his brother and a group of their engineering student friends are the reason the cannons in front of Hart House at the University of Toronto got filled with concrete! 

Fortunately, the black powder charge did not cause the barrel of the ancient cannon to explode, and the ball only made it as far as the lawn of the legislature buildings at Queen's Park!

Do NOT underestimate the ingenuity of the U of T engineering students!! They are legendary for their crazy pranks! 

And they still love to play with black powder: https://www.utoronto.ca/news/uoftgrad17-kaboom-u-t-engineering-students-celebrate-convocation-cannon