Have a laugh in 2025

[fredk]

Over Christmas I had some of that German spiced cake

'Stollen?'

Certainly not! I paid for it

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A farmer was encouraged to buy one of a new breed of farm dogs. He was told it was well behaved and a good worker

On the first day the farmer got out of bed late, at 8.30. When he came down the stairs he found the dog asleep in front of the fire. He kicked the dog awake with a 'huh, so much for hard working!'

To which the dog replied ' I say, there's no need for that. This morning I was up early and patrolling round the farm. I came across three rustlers in the lower fields and I saw them off, with a bite or two out of their bottoms. I then repaired the fence in the lower paddock, then I re-hung the gate to the hen run and then I rounded up the sheep and put 100 in the trailer for you'

'100 sheep?, but I only have 94'

'I just told you, I rounded them up'   

 

[chuck123wapati]

On 1/1/2025 at 10:04 AM, fredk said:

Over Christmas I had some of that German spiced cake

'Stollen?'

Certainly not! I paid for it

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A farmer was encouraged to buy one of a new breed of farm dogs. He was told it was well behaved and a good worker

On the first day the farmer got out of bed late, at 8.30. When he came down the stairs he found the dog asleep in front of the fire. He kicked the dog awake with a 'huh, so much for hard working!'

To which the dog replied ' I say, there's no need for that. This morning I was up early and patrolling round the farm. I came across three rustlers in the lower fields and I saw them off, with a bite or two out of their bottoms. I then repaired the fence in the lower paddock, then I re-hung the gate to the hen run and then I rounded up the sheep and put 100 in the trailer for you'

'100 sheep?, but I only have 94'

'I just told you, I rounded them up'   

 

[chuck123wapati]

funniest thing I've heard this year. Trump telling Trudeau he could be the governor of the 51st state. I'll bet the look on his face was priceless. 

[Sheilajeanne]

Yup, I'll bet!

According to him, Trudeau IS the governor of Canada, not the Prime Minister! 

[Sheilajeanne]

A man goes to his doctor and says Doctor, I think I'm losing my hearing."

The Doctor says, "Can you describe the symptoms for me?"

The man replies, "Sure. Homer is fat and bald, Marge has tall blue hair..."

[Sheilajeanne]

Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"

Pa replies, "There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse."

Ma yells back, "Yes there is, now git out there and fix it."

So Pa mosies out to the outhouse, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with the outhouse!"

"Ma replies, "Stick yur head in the hole!"

Pa yells back, "I ain't stickin my head in that hole!

"Ma says, "Ya have to stick yur head in the hole to see what to fix."

So with that, Pa sticks his head in the hole, looks around and yells back, "Ma! There ain't nuthin wrong with this outhouse!"

Ma hollers back, "Now take your head out of the hole!"

Pa proceeds to pull his head out of the hole, then starts yelling,

"Ma! Help! My beard is stuck in the cracks in the toilet seat!"

To which Ma replies, "Hurts, don't it?!"

 

[chuck123wapati]

On 1/4/2025 at 8:07 PM, Sheilajeanne said:

Yup, I'll bet!

According to him, Trudeau IS the governor of Canada, not the Prime Minister! 

I guess he doesn't want the job lol. 

[toxo]

A white horse goes up to the bar in the pub and the barman says "We've got a whiskey named after you " The horse said "Wot Eric?"

[Handstitched]

 "I'm on a whisky diet, I've lost 3 days already "

""Answering machine: If you want marijuana , just press the hash key  "

God bless Tommy Cooper 

HS

[Sheilajeanne]

[James1]

[Handstitched]

When I was a wee lad ( I was a bit of a pr*ck  back then)  Mum used to take me to a dept shop,called ' Boans', now its Myers, in Perth WA . Mum would take me to the cafe, I found a table, and while she getting food and drinks, I would loosen the tops of the salt and pepper shakers on the unoccupied   tables   , you can guess what would happen next 

 

HS

[fredk]

We went a step further; in chippies we also drank the vinegar and replaced it with water

and. . . . . we weren't so 'wee' when we stopped doing these things

[chuck123wapati]

6 hours ago, Handstitched said:

When I was a wee lad ( I was a bit of a pr*ck  back then)  Mum used to take me to a dept shop,called ' Boans', now its Myers, in Perth WA . Mum would take me to the cafe, I found a table, and while she getting food and drinks, I would loosen the tops of the salt and pepper shakers on the unoccupied   tables   , you can guess what would happen next 

 

HS

naw you take the top off the salt and top it off with sugar. 

[fredk]

remember the sugar dispensers? you tipped it up and it gave 1 serving of sugar for your tea/coffee. I hard of other putting salt in them. I never did it tho  

[Handstitched]

Going back to the 'ye olde  bad days again.

 

In primary school in the southern ' burbs of Perth in the 70's  , our class room was hot, full of flies etc. swatting flies was a highlight of our days in school,   during summer, no air cond. the days seemed to drag on, and the  lessons were borrrring, God bless Mrs Mickleright.  We often kept ourselves ' entertained' . 

So, a girl sitting in front of me had long hair, I sneakily plucked a strand of hair from her head  and very carefully tied it around the fly that I just caught , and  let  it go while holding the other end , so I had this fly on  on a '  leash'  funniest damn thing I ever saw ....and then I let it go, so theres this fly with a strand of hair flying around the class room    

 

When I think of that these days , I can't help but think of ' Freak On A Leash' by Korn  

Some of the other kids used to pluck the wings off the flies, they were no longer flies, they were ' walks' 

HS 

[Sheilajeanne]

LOL! I learned to drive in my mom's '68 VW Super Beetle, so I have a soft spot for them!  

 

[fredk]

Mummy, is Daddy dead?

No darling, he's in his leather room doing some basket-weave stamping 

[Sheilajeanne]

A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a birthday present for her son, a fishing rod and reel. She does not know which one to purchase, so she just randomly takes one and starts toward the checkout.

Behind the counter is a clerk wearing sunglasses. She says to him, "Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me about this rod and reel?

The clerk says, "Lady, I'm totally blind, but if you drop it on the counter, I can tell you what it is by the sound."

Suspicious but curious, she drops the rod and reel onto the counter. He blurts out without hesitation, "That's a 6-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-pound test line. It's a good all-purpose setup, and it's on sale this week for just $20."

Amazed, she exclaims, “That’s incredible! I’ll take it.”

As she opens her purse to retrieve her credit card, it slips from her fingers and lands on the floor.

The clerk immediately remarks, “Oh, that sounds like a MasterCard.”

She reaches down to pick it up and, in so doing, lets out a little silent-but-deadly fart. Truly mortified at first, she quickly reassures herself that, after all, the clerk is blind, so what does that have to do with anything? There is no way he could tell it was her.

The man wraps up her purchase and says, "That'll be $34.50, please."

Confused, she asks, "Wait, didn't you say the rod and reel were $20? How did we get to $34.50?

He replies calmly, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel cost $20, but the Duck Call is $11, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."

Without another word, she pays and rushes out of the store.