Poll Time

[DoubleC]

I just finished the brochure. Did business cards a while back, but George printed them out and I didn't get any, LOL. I scanned the card just like i use a swivel knife!!!!! Than ks folks, Cheryl

[DoubleC]

I just finished the brochure. Did business cards a while back, but George printed them out and I didn't get any, LOL. I scanned the card just like i use a swivel knife!!!!! Than ks folks, Cheryl

You guysw are DOWNLOADING my cards and brochure and can't even say ya hate it? I HOPE it's cause you're gonna run copies and help me sell things

[Sylvia]

You guysw are DOWNLOADING my cards and brochure and can't even say ya hate it? I HOPE it's cause you're gonna run copies and help me sell things

Too wordy CC.... business documents like brochures use concise language. A brochure is an advertisement. You have 3 seconds to interest the reader, no more. So you don't want to do anything to detract from your real message which is "Here is my stuff, buy it." Re-write this with an eye on losing prepositional phrases. You also switch back and forth between "you" and "I" in a story which isn't really necessary. . Lose the story or rewrite it so it's not all fairytales and roses, and watch the grammar. Consider a list with bullets

[DoubleC]

Too wordy CC.... business documents like brochures use concise language. A brochure is an advertisement. You have 3 seconds to interest the reader, no more. So you don't want to do anything to detract from your real message which is "Here is my stuff, buy it." Re-write this with an eye on losing prepositional phrases. You also switch back and forth between "you" and "I" in a story which isn't really necessary. . Lose the story or rewrite it so it's not all fairytales and roses, and watch the grammar. Consider a list with bullets

I thought the description might be a tad poetic for people who have horses as a living, not one that owns them. OK< now that we have the things you liked out of the way, what did ya really think?

Do ya 'spose all those people who downloaded it are rewriting it for me? probably not. Syl I AM a fiction writer, and I'd rather get a brochure like that than bullets, but then we all know I'm weird. OK, I can do that, it's no problem if you can just tell me, 'Why another horse and rider store? Then I'll go from there, K? Cheryl

[DoubleC]

Too wordy CC.... business documents like brochures use concise language. A brochure is an advertisement. You have 3 seconds to interest the reader, no more. So you don't want to do anything to detract from your real message which is "Here is my stuff, buy it." Re-write this with an eye on losing prepositional phrases. You also switch back and forth between "you" and "I" in a story which isn't really necessary. . Lose the story or rewrite it so it's not all fairytales and roses, and watch the grammar. Consider a list with bullets

Better?

[DoubleC]

Better?

Why won't my PDF open? Ieverytime i tried it downloaded. I was too tired to print it, scan it and then put it up but will now.

[DoubleC]

I just finished the brochure. Did business cards a while back, but George printed them out and I didn't get any, LOL. I scanned the card just like i use a swivel knife!!!!! Than ks folks, Cheryl

OK new one since you hated the last one ( I'll never use THAT as an option again ) Seriously, I hope this is better

[Sylvia]

OK new one since you hated the last one ( I'll never use THAT as an option again ) Seriously, I hope this is better

It's improved but still needs work.

1. Your business name and logo needs to be large. Almost the entire front 3rd of the page. (Right panel)

2. You need to completely LOSE the "I" statements. Use Double C Cowgirl C.... Like this. "Double C Cowgirl Couture is the only company in (county or city name) which...." and "At Double C Cowgirl Couture, the customer can....", etc. The idea is to repeat the name enough times that when they are done reading the brochure.... they KNOW the company name. (Remember even though you are "DCCC" the business name is more important in this case.)

3. Never ever end a sentence in a preposition. (we do it all the time in speech but it is inappropriate for a business document.) Instead of , "any design you can think of." write it as "Any design you desire." See what I mean?

4. "Why another custom horse and rider place?" Just assume this question. It doesn't need to be a title. A question like you have it forces awkward answers. So just make a series of statements or paragraphs that use DCCC (spelled out) instead of any "I" statements.

5. Use only the BEST picture of "In the eye of the Horse" To me that is the blue one. And scatter the rest of the rhythm beads photos and the Slinky Top through out the document.

6. Get your thesaurus out. Use it to help you find adjectives and adverbs that say many of the same things in a less wordy way. "Luxurious fabrics" "Dynamic Designs." "Genuine Leather" "Custom Creations" "American Made"

Are you going to fold this as a traditional brochure? If so then, is this the inside panels or the outside panels?

Consider making a coupon good for "One Free Custom Design Consultation"

[DoubleC]

It's improved but still needs work.

1. Your business name and logo needs to be large. Almost the entire front 3rd of the page. (Right panel)

2. You need to completely LOSE the "I" statements. Use Double C Cowgirl C.... Like this. "Double C Cowgirl Couture is the only company in (county or city name) which...." and "At Double C Cowgirl Couture, the customer can....", etc. The idea is to repeat the name enough times that when they are done reading the brochure.... they KNOW the company name. (Remember even though you are "DCCC" the business name is more important in this case.)

3. Never ever end a sentence in a preposition. (we do it all the time in speech but it is inappropriate for a business document.) Instead of , "any design you can think of." write it as "Any design you desire." See what I mean?

4. "Why another custom horse and rider place?" Just assume this question. It doesn't need to be a title. A question like you have it forces awkward answers. So just make a series of statements or paragraphs that use DCCC (spelled out) instead of any "I" statements.

5. Use only the BEST picture of "In the eye of the Horse" To me that is the blue one. And scatter the rest of the rhythm beads photos and the Slinky Top through out the document.

6. Get your thesaurus out. Use it to help you find adjectives and adverbs that say many of the same things in a less wordy way. "Luxurious fabrics" "Dynamic Designs." "Genuine Leather" "Custom Creations" "American Made"

Are you going to fold this as a traditional brochure? If so then, is this the inside panels or the outside panels?

Consider making a coupon good for "One Free Custom Design Consultation"

what great ideas. Yes I'm going to fold it, did two today and didn't fold them the same, LOL. George is going to have to help on that, I cannot rotate objects in space in my head like right-brained people can. And these are all good ideas and I appreciate it. I will work on kit more today. Well except.......have you every heard of a non-negotiable? That's what we call it in fiction anyway. I can lose the black eye, but not the brown one. That's Sienna's eye, and is aroun d my neck where it always is for good luck and as a worry stone almost. Everything else I agree absolutely on. c

[Sylvia]

Ok... if this is a "double sided brochure," you'll need to do some serious moving around of things.

For instance if this is the outside of the brochure, the left panel will fold to the inside and the middle and right panels are the outsides.

So...

Outside

Right panel: Big Logo image, almost filling up the entire space. (crop and edit as needed to make it fit) Western Style Font with DCCC (spelled out). Rope border image?

Middle panel: Information... address, phone, Slogan, web address, etc. One photo of eye of the horse (use a frame) and shadow. (use Sienna's eye here)

Left panel: Image (1) of one product and brief description.

Inside:

Right panel: Photo of Tack. and part of the content you currently have on the left panel, edited as suggested earlier

Middle: "eye of the horse" Blue photo here Continue with part of the content , edited.

Left. Rhythm beads, more of the content. End this page with your coupon so it's easy to cut out and use.

Remember these photos are going to be in black and white unless you pay for color printing. So they need to be edited so they are nice and clear, white background, etc. While you are editing.....that one photo with the Tack.... please do what you can to obscure or cut out that Soda Cup and crop it down so it is more about the tack rather than your wall.

Funny you said that about right-brained folks. When I was tested they found I use both sides of my brain equally.

[DoubleC]

Ok... if this is a "double sided brochure," you'll need to do some serious moving around of things.

For instance if this is the outside of the brochure, the left panel will fold to the inside and the middle and right panels are the outsides.

So...

Outside

Right panel: Big Logo image, almost filling up the entire space. (crop and edit as needed to make it fit) Western Style Font with DCCC (spelled out). Rope border image?

Middle panel: Information... address, phone, Slogan, web address, etc. One photo of eye of the horse (use a frame) and shadow. (use Sienna's eye here)

Left panel: Image (1) of one product and brief description.

Inside:

Right panel: Photo of Tack. and part of the content you currently have on the left panel, edited as suggested earlier

Middle: "eye of the horse" Blue photo here Continue with part of the content , edited.

Left. Rhythm beads, more of the content. End this page with your coupon so it's easy to cut out and use.

Remember these photos are going to be in black and white unless you pay for color printing. So they need to be edited so they are nice and clear, white background, etc. While you are editing.....that one photo with the Tack.... please do what you can to obscure or cut out that Soda Cup and crop it down so it is more about the tack rather than your wall.

Funny you said that about right-brained folks. When I was tested they found I use both sides of my brain equally.

It DOES look like a pop can doesn't it? Actually it's a yogurt container with brushes in it. That's the 'shelves' we made by taking out a door that went to drywall, LOL. I realized it was supplies and never noticed it again. I didn't see anything wrong with people knowing I had SOME supplies, LOL. but now it looks funny. so edit it will. I had planned to print these myself so I never thought about the black and white. Plus the red rose is gonna look macabre in my logo, LOL. But the first ones can be color because George and I will do them.

Now I know why my printer kept printing out another page, LOL. And also if i wanted to do double sided printing. I DON'T like management. AND to make it worse I'm working on a 12 ton pile of paperwork for BROC when he and I meet AND He wants me to bring my laptop Friday so we can get my finances under control. I think my spending is about to be curtailed, which is good I know, but not as fun, LOL. Oh jeeze i just realized i need to find Allen, gonna copy and paste this to work on. Thanks so much Syl. c

[stelmackr]

OK new one since you hated the last one. Seriously, I hope this is better

I read thought the suggestions you have been given and the only thing that I wondered about was the statement about the registed trademark . I did a quick search of the trademark government database and didn't find it. If it isn't a trademark, don't pretend it is. If it is a trademerk, all you need is a little "TM" or circled "R" as the case applies. The long sentence about the trademark takes away from brochere.

Otherwise, like all brocheres, they get better over time and through editing.

Looking forward to the next version.

Bob Stelmack

www.pslac.org

[Cyberthrasher]

Sylvia's covering most of the points I was going to make, and Bob pointed out my other suggestion about the trademark. There seems to be a common myth that if you state something like that, that means it's yours (lots of other trademark/copyright myths along those lines too).

Now, the business card. I think you're trying to cover WAY too much information in one spot (this could be a lot of your issues with the pamphlet too). Remember, anybody who takes your card is likely already familiar with what it is you do. I think you can clean that up a lot by dropping the description, dropping the facebook information (this is easily added to your website) and just leaving it at basic contact information.

Logo/business name needs to be prominent

Follow that with name and position

contact information isn't usually that large - think footnotes. This should only include phone, email, and web URL.

If you have digital copies handy of your logos and everything, I would be happy to help you some other design options when I get some free time.

if any of this doesn't make sense - blame the dentist

Oh yeah, and I'm not going to vote because none of the options fit yet. We'll get you there though.

Edited February 22, 2012 by Cyberthrasher

[Mike516]

Well, I don't usually use either side of my brain, but I think your pamphlet is pretty cool. There's a lot of people who make a lot of money designing pamphlets and such, and I think you did a darn good job.

The only thing I'd say is, good punctuation will make it look more professional.

[SewVic]

Sylvia offered great ideas. I did want to add that I would pretty up the business card...you are offering up your talent as a creative person, yet the card isn't reflecting that.

[pete]

you might add a few well done/close up fotos of some really fine examples of your work and products. I have been following this and pretending that I just "stopped by" this forum, and haven't seen anything that I felt is "up to par" with what I can buy at a feed store or local tack shop.

I know that you are working on your craft as I have been monitoring your horse eye project, but you need to spend a lot more time developing your leather talents - get to be REALLY good at what you want to sell and it will sell itself.

Maybe do a few pieces with carving and antique work and submit it here for critique. I haven't seen anything yet that shows your capabilities and talent.

I sell a fair amount of binders, albums, and wallets and belts a month an still am not happy with my work when I REALLY look at it!

NOT trying to be critical- I just haven't seen anything yet from you.

pete

[Bluesman]

if you have not applied for or received thw Trademark for " Eye of the Horse", don't state it. The actual carving can only be claimed as a Trademark if submitted. The name has to be submitted on a separate form. Don't open yourself up for potential liabilities. As for the brochure, keep it simple and to the point. Here is what I do and here is how to get it.

[DoubleC]

I read thought the suggestions you have been given and the only thing that I wondered about was the statement about the registed trademark ™. I did a quick search of the trademark government database and didn't find it. If it isn't a trademark, don't pretend it is. If it is a trademerk, all you need is a little "TM" or circled "R" as the case applies. The long sentence about the trademark takes away from brochere.

Otherwise, like all brocheres, they get better over time and through editing.

Looking forward to the next version.

Bob Stelmack

www.pslac.org

Thanks Bob, will be working on it today if i can stay awake. Syl's given me some great ideasand the mind's willing but the body catching up on sleep. I do intend to register it so have it in the brochure. Cheryl

[DoubleC]

Sylvia's covering most of the points I was going to make, and Bob pointed out my other suggestion about the trademark. There seems to be a common myth that if you state something like that, that means it's yours (lots of other trademark/copyright myths along those lines too).

Now, the business card. I think you're trying to cover WAY too much information in one spot (this could be a lot of your issues with the pamphlet too). Remember, anybody who takes your card is likely already familiar with what it is you do. I think you can clean that up a lot by dropping the description, dropping the facebook information (this is easily added to your website) and just leaving it at basic contact information.

Logo/business name needs to be prominent

Follow that with name and position

contact information isn't usually that large - think footnotes. This should only include phone, email, and web URL.

If you have digital copies handy of your logos and everything, I would be happy to help you some other design options when I get some free time.

if any of this doesn't make sense - blame the dentist

Oh yeah, and I'm not going to vote because none of the options fit yet. We'll get you there though.

You guys are such a big help ALWAYS. I just want to say thanks right now. And I used publisher for my card and it did the font. I could have changed it, LOL, don't mean that, but it was already laid out so I just filled in the blanks. I have my logo attached, so will let you use your creative vision Allen, while I work on the brochure. But NOT until you feel better. Cheryl

Well, I don't usually use either side of my brain, but I think your pamphlet is pretty cool. There's a lot of people who make a lot of money designing pamphlets and such, and I think you did a darn good job.

The only thing I'd say is, good punctuation will make it look more professional.

Thank you Mike, an oasis in the desert, LOL. Cheryl

[DoubleC]

Sylvia offered great ideas. I did want to add that I would pretty up the business card...you are offering up your talent as a creative person, yet the card isn't reflecting that.

There's a point i wouldn't have thought of. Getting added to my sheet with idea about FB and punctuation.

[DoubleC]

you might add a few well done/close up fotos of some really fine examples of your work and products. I have been following this and pretending that I just "stopped by" this forum, and haven't seen anything that I felt is "up to par" with what I can buy at a feed store or local tack shop.

I know that you are working on your craft as I have been monitoring your horse eye project, but you need to spend a lot more time developing your leather talents - get to be REALLY good at what you want to sell and it will sell itself.

Maybe do a few pieces with carving and antique work and submit it here for critique. I haven't seen anything yet that shows your capabilities and talent.

I sell a fair amount of binders, albums, and wallets and belts a month an still am not happy with my work when I REALLY look at it!

NOT trying to be critical- I just haven't seen anything yet from you.

pete

Not taken as critical but critique. The reason all you're seeing right now are these is because that's what my VOW counselor and BROC want me to focus on. Something i can do quick and almost perfect.....I don't think my eyes are perfect but a lot better. Let me show you what i did in my first 10 days with help from this forum . I've only shown this to one other person and it was by PM, but this is where I started once I realized I didn't know squat. Thanks Pete.

[DoubleC]

you might add a few well done/close up fotos of some really fine examples of your work and products. I have been following this and pretending that I just "stopped by" this forum, and haven't seen anything that I felt is "up to par" with what I can buy at a feed store or local tack shop.

I know that you are working on your craft as I have been monitoring your horse eye project, but you need to spend a lot more time developing your leather talents - get to be REALLY good at what you want to sell and it will sell itself.

Maybe do a few pieces with carving and antique work and submit it here for critique. I haven't seen anything yet that shows your capabilities and talent.

I sell a fair amount of binders, albums, and wallets and belts a month an still am not happy with my work when I REALLY look at it!

NOT trying to be critical- I just haven't seen anything yet from you.

pete

Sorry, last one I did on a wallet for myself that I was going to have to waste the leather, didn't work for another project.

if you have not applied for or received thw Trademark for " Eye of the Horse", don't state it. The actual carving can only be claimed as a Trademark if submitted. The name has to be submitted on a separate form. Don't open yourself up for potential liabilities. As for the brochure, keep it simple and to the point. Here is what I do and here is how to get it.

Thanks Bluesman, I'm getting a lot of help doing that, and I intend to register the eye. Cheryl