2024, for fun

[bladegrinder]

Here's a video of some North Florida hummingbirds, the clicking sound on the video is the camera, it's on it's way out. I had this out in the woods for a couple years and it was sitting in my shop so I figured I'd put it in front of this feeder. I have to refill this thing around every five days, theirs a bunch of them going to it.

https://youtu.be/InNUxrTUAfc

[Sheilajeanne]

This is an old one, but a good one - it's also true!

A number of years ago, a radio station decided to have a competition to see which of their listeners had the funniest embarrassing story. This one was voted the winner.

A woman phone in to say she had an appointment with her gynecologist one afternoon, but due to traffic problems was running late. She came home from shopping, stashed her purchases away as fast as she could, then ran to the bathroom. She wanted to make sure everything was clean 'down below' before going to her appointment. The only washcloth she could find was one lying beside the sink. It was already wet, so she grabbed it and gave her privates a quick scrub, then tossed the cloth into the laundry hamper.

She made it to the appointment barely on time, and was soon ushered into the exam room. When the gynecologist came in to examine her, he commented "My, you did make a special effort today!"

The comment puzzled her, but she didn't ask why he'd said that.

When she got home, her daughter came to her. "Mom, I spilled some glitter earlier this afternoon. Have you seen the cloth I used to wipe it up? I left it beside the bathroom sink!"

 

 

[Sheilajeanne]

Apparently it's become a 'thing' for vegans to slap labels on things like bacon or pork chops/roast, with a picture of a pig, and a label that says "My name was (fill in the blank).

Which reminds me of a true story... A city slicker once asked one of my farm cousins if they named their pigs. He replied, "Yes, I've named these three 'Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner!'

Yeah, hands off my bacon, vegans! 

 

[Mablung]

1 hour ago, Sheilajeanne said:

Apparently it's become a 'thing' for vegans to slap labels on things like bacon or pork chops/roast, with a picture of a pig, and a label that says "My name was (fill in the blank).

Which reminds me of a true story... A city slicker once asked one of my farm cousins if they named their pigs. He replied, "Yes, I've named these three 'Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner!'

Yeah, hands off my bacon, vegans! 

 

I’d just write “Wilbur” on all the stickers. And then tell people casually that I’d eaten Wilbur for breakfast that morning. 

[fredk]

As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps

 

Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation."

We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.

 

What Bob Marley music do AWAC pilots play when on opps??

We're  Jamin.

 

I took my suit to the cleaners, who wanted to charge me 40 quid, so I gave it to the charity shop next door.

They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window. I bought it back for £15

[Sheilajeanne]

Laughing way too hard at this! 

 

[fredk]

An elderly man rear-ended a guy driving an expensive European sports car. Enraged, the guy hops out and confronts the old man. He yells,

"Look what you did to my car! You're going to give me $10,000 right now or I'm going to beat you to a pulp!"

"Oh my…" the old man said nervously. "I don't have that kind of money. Let me call my son.” he said with hope. “He trains dolphins and he will know what to do."

"Dolphins!" the other driver huffed, while rolling his eyes.

The old man pulled out his phone, dialed his son, and just as his son answered, the irate man snatched the phone away from the old man.

"So, YOU'RE a dolphin trainer, huh?” The irate man yelled, “Well, your old man here just rear-ended my car and I need TEN GRAND right now, or I'm going to beat you AND your old man to a pulp!"

"I'll be there in 10 minutes." says the voice calmly on the other end.

Exactly 10 minutes later, a Jeep pulls up and a guy hops out and proceeds to pulverize the bully, leaving him in a heap on the side of the road. When he finished, he walked over to his father and said,

"For the last time dad, I train Seals… Navy Seals. NOT dolphins!”

[Sheilajeanne]

  At first I thought the son was going to be a trainer for the Miami Dolphins football team! But yeah. Navy Seals is even better...

[fredk]

That is exactly what I thot and expected when I first read that joke

[Sheilajeanne]

Sooo true!  

 

[fredk]

I heard this one many years ago

During WW2 an American Air Force unit was based in the English countryside. The Air Force personnel used to use the local pub

One day an experienced Air Force man was with a new arrival. As they came to the pub one says

'These English yokels are so dumb. Wait till you see this'

They approached two locals who were having a drink at a table

The Airman put down a nickel and a dime and said

'Tell me which you think is worth more'

One local looked at the two coins, scratched his head, then said 'Arr, now Oi thinks the bigger shinier coin be worth more'

The Airmen laughed at this and walked on into the pub leaving the nickel and dime on the table

The second local says to the first 'ere Henry, you know rightly that the dime is worth twice the nickel'

'Aye, I do that, but if I said so they'd stop playing this game' then he showed his friend a bucket under table 'so far I've made $30 this month playing this game with the US airmen'

 

Edited 13 hours ago by fredk