Rough Year

[Frank]

Hey All,

I just thought I'd put this out there, simply because I need an outlet. I used to post on here a lot but only get on here every once in a while. Hopefully I'll be on here more often.

Almost a year ago (last June 20th) I lost my Dad at age 54 from a stroke.

In April 2012, my Mom started having major health issues. She was in and out of the hospital 7-8 times since then and every time, I would have to travel 2 hours to take care of my developmentally disabled Sister who lived with my Mom. I was out of the shop for a good portion of the year.

19 days ago, my Mom passed away, just after her 65th Birthday, 11 months after Dad. I haven't the words to describe these losses. Per Mom's wishes, I was appointed executor of the Will and legal guardian of my Sister. She is currently living here and my work has slowed a bit but soon I hope to be back on track. I will be posting a new tool up for sale here today as I need to get some sense of normalcy back. No matter how bad things seem, just take a look back at what my year has been. Thank God I have great Brothers and Sisters. I'd definitely be lost without them.

Frank

[Ferg]

Frank,

I know something of what you are feeling. In 1970 we lost both mom and dad and three other close relatives.

It takes very special folks to care for the disabled. Prayers are with you.

ferg

[Frank]

Thanks Ferg, I appreciate it. It's going to be a tough road but those of us left in the family are pretty darn tough

[benlilly1]

I feel for you Frank...I lost my dad last year. His illness was prolonged and it was painful to watch since we all knew the outcome. It devastated me and my siblings. Dad was our rock. Mom is still alive but as the years go on and we all get older the inevitable is just ahead. Thank God for our siblings!

You have extra weight on your shoulders with your sister. I couldn't even imagine how hard it would be to take care of her. Just take one day at a time. Take a few deep breaths and know that you are an angel to her. I hope you visit here often and get back to your normalcy in life and leather work.

[Frank]

Thanks for the kind words and comments. We watched Mom slide downhill the last couple of years and knew it was coming, but thought we had a little more time. The greatest thing was that everyone (all of us kids and her brothers and sisters) somehow called her the night before she passed. The stress of her illnesses actually caused her to have a heart attack, so it ended very quickly and did not drag on.

[TexasJack]

God made life short so that we would appreciate the time we have with our loved ones.

You have been having a tough year, and I know what it's like to have one thing after another hit. Hang in there and know that we're thinking of you.

[Josh Ashman]

Hang in there Frank, our thoughts and prayers are with you.

Sincerely,

Josh

[Frank]

Thanks everyone. The entire family appreciates it.

[camano ridge]

Frank, I have a pretty good feel for what you are going through. My wifes father passed in 92 and two years later we had to put my wifes mother in a nursing home where she passed away. That left my wifes Down's syndrome (developmentaly disabled) sister alone, we could not bear to put her in a facility so we took her into our home she has lived with us for 18years. It has had it's ups and downs and has created it's share of stress but also joy in helping her. In November she fell and broke her hFemur right above th knee. They told us that she could not bear weight for 12 weeks and we would have to use a mechanical lift to tranfer from the bed to comode or wheel chair etc. So that meant that we had to rearange our furniture and move her bed out to the living room so that we had room for the devices we needed etc. We are now going through Physical Therapy with her and slowly getting her back to walking. It had an impact on my time in the shop. I had to take over one end of the dinning room table and move some of my stuff from the shop to the dinning table so i could do cutting and stitching etc. As she can't be left alone so if my wife has to go somewhere I have to stay home to wathc my sister in law but can still do some of the work i need to do.

Hang in there I won't say it gets easier but you will find way's to deal with it. If you need help finding resources or learning what is out there to help you with your sister PM me. Also check your area for support groups. From time to time you will feel it is a great burden and it will be stressful. My wife and I have talked and if we had an opportunity to do it over again we would make the same decisicion we have no regereats for helping my sister in-law.

Edited June 22, 2013 by camano ridge

[Frank]

Thanks for the post. It's pretty difficult to find someone that has gone through virtually the same situation. All of us kids are in the same boat. We would never allow her to be put into any type of home, so long as one of us 4 kids are still alive. Like your Sister, mine cannot be left alone either, which means that my work happens when she goes to bed for the night. I end up working 10pm-3am. When I need to draw patterns or tooling patterns, I bring them in from the shop and do it at the table, so I can keep an eye on her.

As I type this, I am sitting at the hospital as she was admitted Friday with a leg infection due to her nervous picking. Friends of mine and I have been doing shifts here at the hospital which gives me a chance to eat, sleep, and get some orders worked on. Currently I am the only sibling that lives here in the state. We have a pretty good handle on local resources for her. In another week or so, she will be moving permanantly with my oldest Sister in Massachusetts. We already have her enrolled in an adult day care facility that has 64 disabled adults with approximately the same cognitive abilities that she does. At least my oldest Sister will have a chance to work during the day and pick her up in the afternoon. The program is pretty neat. They take them swimming, bowling, fishing, etc. They even have a gym in the lower level for times when it is raining. They really do a lot of stuff for the adults. They also take them one weekend a month so the caretakers at least have one weekend to themselves.

It's all working, slow but sure. I get frustrated at times but I take my frustrations outside away from her. I don't for one second want her to think that she has been a burden to anyone. I appreciate you sharing your similar experiences. It does help a lot. Hang in there as well.