2024, for fun

[fredk]

The God of War rode out one day

Upon his mighty filly.

"I'm Thor!" he cried.

His horse replied,

"You forgot your thaddle, thilly."

[Handstitched]

' A bloke goes into a pub, sits down at the bar  and orders a pint. ' Would you like anything to eat?' says the barman. The bloke looks at the menu  and says , yes  I'll have the ploughmans lunch please' . Here you are sir. A voice yells out  , in a Somerset  accent,, " 'ere , who too took moi lunch  ??  ' 

HS

[Handstitched]

' A nun in a convent that has taken up a vow of silence, is given dispensation by the Mother Superior every Christmas  to speak a few words. 

" Sister, have you anything to say? says Mother Superior . '"Yes, my one of my sandals has broken , I'd like a new one. 

Another year passes "  Have you  anything to say?"  " Yes, the nights have grown colder, I'd like an extra blanket  please " 

Another year passes, " have you anything to say? " yes, my robe is getting thin...." 

" Sister!!  says Mother Superior, in the past three years,   have you got anything better to say , because all you've done is whinge  , whinge , whinge !!  " 

HS 

[Handstitched]

' Thor & Zeus  got together for a one night stand. Thor gets up in the morning  proclaiming his sexual ' prowess' .

" I-am-Thor !! "  

" You're thor !! How do you think how I feel ?? "  replied Zeus 

HS

 

(C'mon @Northmount  your turn,  you started this   ) 

[Sheilajeanne]

Another gem from Pearls Before Swine:

 

 

[fredk]

My 5 sewing machines have decided to go into entertainment and they want me to write the lyrics to their songs

 

So I'm gong to be a Singer Song Writer 

[Sheilajeanne]

LOL!

Another sewing machine joke:

 

 

Edited January 11, 2024 by Sheilajeanne

[fredk]

I used to be obsessed with certain farm machinery. I collected every thing to do with tractors by International, John Deere, Massey-Ferguson, Ferguson, Ford and others. Then I decided to sell my collection and move on.

I'm an ex-tractor fan

[Sheilajeanne]

A man travels to Spain and goes to a restaurant near the bull arena for a late dinner. He orders the house special and he is brought a plate with potatoes, corn, and two large meaty objects. "What's this?" he asks?

"The Matador Special, Senor," the waiter replies.

"What meat is it?" the man asks.

"Cojones," the waiter explains, "They, are the testicles of the bull who lost at the arena this afternoon."

At first the man is disgusted; but being the adventurous type, he decides to try this local delicacy. To his amazement, it is quite delicious. In fact, it is so good that he decides to come back again the next night and order it again. This time, the waiter brings out the plate, but the meaty objects are much smaller.

"What's this?" he asks the waiter.

"The Matador Special, senor," the waiter replies.

"No, no," the man objects, "I had the Matador Special yesterday and it was much bigger than this."

"Senor," the waiter explains, "the bull does not always lose."     

 

 

The worst pub I've ever been to was the Fiddle.

It was a vile inn...

Edited January 12, 2024 by Sheilajeanne

[tsunkasapa]

DEER CAMP

Four guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later the three get to the camping site
only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and
dinner cooking on the fire.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said,

'Guess who?'" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had
handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did

And then she said,
"Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am