Jokes for 2023

[fredk]

4 hours ago, chuck123wapati said:

i figured you folks may have wood working tools Oh well, out of the 12, 10 were spined well within the tolerances of store bought and the two i fletched up fly perfectly. Douglas fir is one of many proper arrow woods over here what do you folks use?   . . . 

I only, or did only, shoot traditional Long Bow. My prefered wood for arrow shafts is Port Orford Cedar or Ash. Ash is now hard to get in the UK because a disease has wiped out the ash trees. Also; I have a long draw so standard 32 inch shafts are too short for me. I used to get shafts made by a specialist who made mine 35 inch long in P.O. Cedar, made them for my bow strength and made the shafts with the traditional belly and not dead straight. I think that can only be done by hand or by specialist machines. afair I used to pay about £24 for 6 for the shafts. I added in buffalo horn in the nock and of course whipped on goose feathers. I never had to buy many during a year as they rarely broke, got damaged or lost, but knicked ? (stolen), er occasionally

[chuck123wapati]

18 hours ago, fredk said:

I only, or did only, shoot traditional Long Bow. My prefered wood for arrow shafts is Port Orford Cedar or Ash. Ash is now hard to get in the UK because a disease has wiped out the ash trees. Also; I have a long draw so standard 32 inch shafts are too short for me. I used to get shafts made by a specialist who made mine 35 inch long in P.O. Cedar, made them for my bow strength and made the shafts with the traditional belly and not dead straight. I think that can only be done by hand or by specialist machines. afair I used to pay about £24 for 6 for the shafts. I added in buffalo horn in the nock and of course whipped on goose feathers. I never had to buy many during a year as they rarely broke, got damaged or lost, but knicked ? (stolen), er occasionally

i've used a lot of P.O, cedar arrows as well. I forget traditional archery means something different over here lol. My arrows don't have a good life, a great deal of my practice is in the field, stump shooting or hunting so i go through at least a dozen a year. A dozen arrows built like you use, custom built would be about $150 bucks. I did order a dozen po shafts, plus fletching and knocks cheapest i could find is $80 to build my own. 

[chuck123wapati]

23 hours ago, billybopp said:

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a clinic to give blood.  The nursed asked the rabbit "What is your blood type?"  He replied "I am probably a type O."

-Bill

 

22 hours ago, Handstitched said:

Ha !!! Quite like that   

' Two old  ladies having a chat over a cuppa at a cafe' , one says to the other " did you come on the bus? Yeh, but I made it look like an asthma attack " 

HS

   i heard one similar about two old biker babes lol. did you come on your bike? yea at least twice.

[fredk]

An archery type joke. You'll need to check English history for this if you don't know it already

Harold Godwinson, sometimes called King Harold, was getting his army into place to fight the Norman invaders led by Duke William the bastard

As Harold was getting ready a giant of a karl carrying four long spears approached and said ' Lord, I claim the right to fight by your side, in your bodyguard. I fought alongside you at Stamford Bridge 3 weeks ago. There I killed at least 50 of the invaders with my trusty spears. And my father has fought in the Royal bodyguard afore me'

'Let me see what you can do' says Harold

The spearman takes out an apple, gives it to an axe thrower and tells him to throw it high, far and as fast as he can. As the apple flies through the air, high and far the spearman throws one of his spears after it. The spear strikes and slices the apple exactly in two.

'Impressive' says Harold 'you have earned the right to fight on my right side, close by me'

Then an axeman approaches. 'I too claim the right to fight by your side Lord, I too was at Stamford Bridge and killed many invaders. I have fought in the Royal Bodyguard for many years, as did my father and his father before him'

'Let me see what you can do' says Harold

The axeman takes out an apple, throws it high into the air. As the apple flies through the air the axeman cuts his axe blade, like a flash of lightning, at the apple. The apple comes down in thin neatly cut slices

'Impressive' says Harold 'you have earned the right to fight on my left side, close by me'

Then a very elderly archer approaches. He says  'I too claim the right to fight by your side Lord. I didn't manage to get to Stamford Bridge. T'was a bit too far for me arthritis. but I have fought in the Royal Bodyguard for many years, as did my father and his father before him and his father before, all the way back to King Alfred'

'Let me see what you can do' says Harold

The archer takes out an apple, gives it to an axe thrower and tells him to throw it far and as fast as he can. As the apple flies through the air, fast and far the archer takes an arrow and lets fly. The arrow misses the apple and hits an ox pulling a cart. The archer gets another apple, does the same, the arrow misses and hits the ox cart driver in the arse. Just as the archer was getting out a third apple -

' Enough! Impressive' says Harold 'you have earned the right to fight with the other archers on the left wing'

As the old archer walks away, happy that he impressed the King,  King Harold turns to his chief Huscarl and says 'Alfric, please keep that bluddy old fool away from me! He'll have somebody's eye out!' 

 

 

Here we see the proof; the spearman, on the left of the picture with the white shield, the axeman getting killed on the right of the picture and King Harold with that famous arrow-in-the-eye. But who shot the arrow??

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[tsunkasapa]

[Sheilajeanne]

Forgive me if you've heard this one before...it's a good one! And the good ones are worth repeating!

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.

 

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

 

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

 

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

 

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

 

[Sheilajeanne]

Dad joke of the day = okay it's kinda dumb but it made me laugh! Reminds me of the jokes we used to tell when we were kids, like why do elephants paint their toenails red?

So they can hide in cherry trees...

 

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door

Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why?

A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator

Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How?

A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party

Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why?

A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

[Sheilajeanne]

Ohh  yeah, we've all had that one person...  Love it, though I probably would never had had the guts to actually do it!

 

[fredk]

That deserves      

I like it, I must try to remember it

Edited June 5, 2023 by fredk

[Bert03241]

On 3/26/2023 at 5:59 AM, chuck123wapati said:

This economy sucks even the manufacturers are having trouble, the other day I heard the company that makes yardsticks wasn't going to make them any longer. 

sad Chuck really sad LOL