Things are not Good

[Stewart]

 My wife,Lois, was admitted into Hospice yesterday. Almost a month stay in two Hospitals .

 First 2 weeks were of a Pacemaker the last week and half was for blood clots to leg and lungs

pluss limnode cancer that was real fast growing.

She is no pain and knows what is happing and accepted it. 

life is ever changing Happyness and pain. Guess the Pian is the winner.

[Handstitched]

I am very sorry to hear what you're both going through . It puts a lot of stress on your shoulders.  This reminds me of what I may go through with my Father in years to come. He's 91 with dementia, and has a pace maker.He had a blood clot in his lung as well. He's survived  cancer, and  most recently, COVID .  I am resisting putting him into care .  He's hard work, and can drive us nuts, he can get around...slowly,  but I just can't bring myself to putting him  into care.  We're just going by what the medical professionals tell us . 

My Mother is 88, and while her mental faculties are OK at this point, its her physical condition .  She can walk short distances,  but  I'm close to getting her a wheel chair as walking is becoming difficult, often out of breath and  her joints can be painful. 

I can only wish the very best for you both . 

Peace

HS

[kiwican]

So sorry to hear this, thoughts and prayers my friend 

[Sheilajeanne]

I went through this with my husband, who passed away from cancer. He had multiple other problems in the last year of his life, too - heart attack stroke, epileptic seizures. So hard to watch them go through this sort of thing.

So sorry! Hospice can be a blessing, as they are really good at keeping their patients comfortable. Roger was in a palliative care ward in the hospital for the last few weeks of his life, and they did an excellent job of looking after him, too.

Handstitched, we all have our limits of what we can cope with when looking after family members that are ill or suffering from the problems that come with old age. You need to know what those limits are, and have a plan in place for when you reach them.

In Roger's case, I was able to keep him at home until he could no longer walk safely, but I needed the help of a live-in caregiver, as he couldn't be left at home alone. I found that out one night when he refused to accompany me to a church service, insisting he'd be fine. I came home to find him lying in the snow at the side of the house! He'd wanted to go visit the neighbours, but instead of walking down the driveway, then along the sidewalk, which had been cleared of snow, he'd tried to walk across the lawn, fell, and couldn't get up. 

I knew once he couldn't walk safely that it was time. There was no way to keep him in bed 24/7 - he would be wanting to get up, so someone would have to be able to keep an eye on him around the clock. The hospital had an alarm on the bed, which would go off if he tried to get up, and they were also able to let him have a tub bath, which was one of the few things that helped with the pain of the bone mets - they had a special hoist that would lower him into the tub. It really was the best place for him at that point.

[suzelle]

Stewart,

Thanks for sharing your situation with us. Hospice is the best, I'm glad Lois is in their care. I just wanted you to know that seeing your handiwork here has been a blessing. May blessings be returned to you and Lois in abundance! Keep creating beautiful things when you can, I'm sure it's a comfort for you and good to keep your hands and your mind busy. Hang in there Friend!

[tsunkasapa]

I'm sorry to hear this. I will keep you both in my thoughts.

[chuck123wapati]

i am sorry to hear also and wish you all the best. All i can do is say a prayer for you and yours! God bless you friend.

[PastorBob]

On 7/4/2022 at 4:34 AM, Stewart said:

 My wife,Lois, was admitted into Hospice yesterday. Almost a month stay in two Hospitals .

 First 2 weeks were of a Pacemaker the last week and half was for blood clots to leg and lungs

pluss limnode cancer that was real fast growing.

She is no pain and knows what is happing and accepted it. 

life is ever changing Happyness and pain. Guess the Pian is the winner.

Praying for you and Lois.  Unfortunately we don't have an infinite time in these bodies.  But while we have them we can definitely be a blessing to those whom we have contact.  You will now be surrounded by an entirely new group of folks where you and Lois can bless them with your presence and kind words.  Life IS ever changing.  There will be bouts of happiness and pain, but JOY is something to hold onto.

Edited July 5, 2022 by PastorBob

[Stewart]

On 7/4/2022 at 6:56 AM, Handstitched said:

I am very sorry to hear what you're both going through . It puts a lot of stress on your shoulders.  This reminds me of what I may go through with my Father in years to come. He's 91 with dementia, and has a pace maker.He had a blood clot in his lung as well. He's survived  cancer, and  most recently, COVID .  I am resisting putting him into care .  He's hard work, and can drive us nuts, he can get around...slowly,  but I just can't bring myself to putting him  into care.  We're just going by what the medical professionals tell us . 

My Mother is 88, and while her mental faculties are OK at this point, its her physical condition .  She can walk short distances,  but  I'm close to getting her a wheel chair as walking is becoming difficult, often out of breath and  her joints can be painful. 

I can only wish the very best for you both . 

Peace

HS

Going thru that is very toll taking and assited living is very expensive. Thank you for your kind words.

She passed yesterday at a Hospice home.

 

On 7/4/2022 at 8:23 AM, kiwican said:

So sorry to hear this, thoughts and prayers my friend 

Thank you They were well needed.

[Stewart]

On 7/4/2022 at 9:50 AM, Sheilajeanne said:

I went through this with my husband, who passed away from cancer. He had multiple other problems in the last year of his life, too - heart attack stroke, epileptic seizures. So hard to watch them go through this sort of thing.

So sorry! Hospice can be a blessing, as they are really good at keeping their patients comfortable. Roger was in a palliative care ward in the hospital for the last few weeks of his life, and they did an excellent job of looking after him, too.

Handstitched, we all have our limits of what we can cope with when looking after family members that are ill or suffering from the problems that come with old age. You need to know what those limits are, and have a plan in place for when you reach them.

In Roger's case, I was able to keep him at home until he could no longer walk safely, but I needed the help of a live-in caregiver, as he couldn't be left at home alone. I found that out one night when he refused to accompany me to a church service, insisting he'd be fine. I came home to find him lying in the snow at the side of the house! He'd wanted to go visit the neighbours, but instead of walking down the driveway, then along the sidewalk, which had been cleared of snow, he'd tried to walk across the lawn, fell, and couldn't get up. 

I knew once he couldn't walk safely that it was time. There was no way to keep him in bed 24/7 - he would be wanting to get up, so someone would have to be able to keep an eye on him around the clock. The hospital had an alarm on the bed, which would go off if he tried to get up, and they were also able to let him have a tub bath, which was one of the few things that helped with the pain of the bone mets - they had a special hoist that would lower him into the tub. It really was the best place for him at that point.

The ddotors and nurses atthe hospitals she was in were supportive. The hospice home went out of their way for us.

Sadly she passed and now in no pain. Thank you for your kind words.

[Stewart]

On 7/4/2022 at 11:10 AM, suzelle said:

Stewart,

Thanks for sharing your situation with us. Hospice is the best, I'm glad Lois is in their care. I just wanted you to know that seeing your handiwork here has been a blessing. May blessings be returned to you and Lois in abundance! Keep creating beautiful things when you can, I'm sure it's a comfort for you and good to keep your hands and your mind busy. Hang in there Friend!

Thank you.Hospice is the best for careing for termial patients. It will be a while on the leather. I kind of need to find the floor and top of tables from visting her for the last month.

[Stewart]

On 7/4/2022 at 11:39 AM, chuck123wapati said:

i am sorry to hear also and wish you all the best. All i can do is say a prayer for you and yours! God bless you friend.

Thank You,They were appreciated. Now he has here to deal with.Do belive that extra angels are needed..

On 7/4/2022 at 11:37 AM, tsunkasapa said:

I'm sorry to hear this. I will keep you both in my thoughts.

Thank you for your kind words,

 

[Stewart]

22 hours ago, PastorBob said:

Praying for you and Lois.  Unfortunately we don't have an infinite time in these bodies.  But while we have them we can definitely be a blessing to those whom we have contact.  You will now be surrounded by an entirely new group of folks where you and Lois can bless them with your presence and kind words.  Life IS ever changing.  There will be bouts of happiness and pain, but JOY is something to hold onto.

Yes we are alotted so much .The last 37 years has been a roller coaster ride,Good and bad. but fun also.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[PastorBob]

My condolences, Stewart.  May God comfort you!!

[Stewart]

1 minute ago, PastorBob said:

My condolences, Stewart.  May God comfort you!!

thank you PastorBob.

[Matt S]

@Stewart I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure that your support, strength and love were a huge comfort to her over the time when your lives ran together and especially when your paths started to diverge. As Gus McCrae says life is short for us all, shorter for some than others. Hopefully you can rejoice that you had the time with Lois that you did.

Nothing I can say or do will make things easier for you or your family but I find during stressful or difficult times I find it can help to talk with people, especially people outside of your regular or immediate circle. Being honest about your thoughts (whether you think them "fair" or "mean") in a way that you might not be able to do with people who were fortunate enough to have known your wife. It can help to crystalise them for you and find a positive direction. If you feel the need to blow off steam to a semi-anonymous person please feel free to PM me. That offer applies to anyone on this forum going through difficult times, not just you.

[billybopp]

Sorry to hear @Stewart.  Losing someone is never easy.  My thoughts are with you.

- Bill

[Sheilajeanne]

My sincere condolences, Stewart!  I know how hard it is - lost my father, my husband, then my mother, all within a 10 month period. Talking does help, for sure, and if you need grief counselling, don't be afraid to reach out to an organization that provides it. That's what I had to do eventually, as some of the people I thought I could count on turned their backs on me. 

[tsunkasapa]

I am very sorry to hear this. It is never easy to lose a loved one. Hold on to the bright moments.

[Stewart]

On 7/6/2022 at 7:45 AM, Matt S said:

@Stewart I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I'm sure that your support, strength and love were a huge comfort to her over the time when your lives ran together and especially when your paths started to diverge. As Gus McCrae says life is short for us all, shorter for some than others. Hopefully you can rejoice that you had the time with Lois that you did.

Nothing I can say or do will make things easier for you or your family but I find during stressful or difficult times I find it can help to talk with people, especially people outside of your regular or immediate circle. Being honest about your thoughts (whether you think them "fair" or "mean") in a way that you might not be able to do with people who were fortunate enough to have known your wife. It can help to crystalise them for you and find a positive direction. If you feel the need to blow off steam to a semi-anonymous person please feel free to PM me. That offer applies to anyone on this forum going through difficult times, not just you.

Thank you for offering support. i have a support group in my realtives. t seems that  am providing support for them and that helps with my issues.

 

[Stewart]

On 7/6/2022 at 8:03 AM, billybopp said:

Sorry to hear @Stewart.  Losing someone is never easy.  My thoughts are with you.

- Bill

Thank You.Billybopp

[Stewart]

On 7/6/2022 at 10:34 AM, Sheilajeanne said:

My sincere condolences, Stewart!  I know how hard it is - lost my father, my husband, then my mother, all within a 10 month period. Talking does help, for sure, and if you need grief counselling, don't be afraid to reach out to an organization that provides it. That's what I had to do eventually, as some of the people I thought I could count on turned their backs on me. 

i order a yellow rose to palnt for her .That must have been a hard thing to indure.  for me ,I had no time at the time.

I had to support her family  and her also with that potection  . That in a way relevied alot of greif.

 

[Handstitched]

On 7/4/2022 at 6:56 PM, Handstitched said:

My Mother is 88, and while her mental faculties are OK at this point, its her physical condition .  She can walk short distances,  but  I'm close to getting her a wheel chair as walking is becoming difficult, often out of breath and  her joints can be painful. 

In the early hours of Friday morning  , June 16th,  ( Aust) I lost my Mother, she was 89  . She fell ill Thursday morning, unable to speak, only managing the word ' headache'  . Rushed to our local hospital and then  she was airlifted to hospital in Perth. What was thought to be a a stroke , turned out to be a massive brain bleed , too dangerous to operate in a dangerous location, , an operation  that would have had no benefit, the damage was too great.. So she was made as comfortable as possible . She was  heavily sedated , not conscious ,  and not in any pain .  I went to the hospital  in Perth (Thursday, ( 3hrs drive)  I talked to her, held her hand.  Apparently they can hear your voice.   I  stayed as long as I could, but had to leave and look after my Dad . I got a phone call from the hospital in Perth around 4.15am Friday morning  (aust time)  to say my Mum was gone.  The worst phone call I've ever received.  .

Thats how quick it was. The shock is huge. She was fine Wednesday night, no symptoms.

We were both very close, plus we we did craft markets for the last 18 years.  She was my best friend, not just my Mum.

Peace

HS 

Edited June 18, 2023 by Handstitched

[chuck123wapati]

4 hours ago, Handstitched said:

In the early hours of Friday morning  , June 16th,  ( Aust) I lost my Mother, she was 89  . She fell ill Thursday morning, unable to speak, only managing the word ' headache'  . Rushed to our local hospital and then  she was airlifted to hospital in Perth. What was thought to be a a stroke , turned out to be a massive brain bleed , too dangerous to operate in a dangerous location, , an operation  that would have had no benefit, the damage was too great.. So she was made as comfortable as possible . She was  heavily sedated , not conscious ,  and not in any pain .  I went to the hospital  in Perth (Thursday, ( 3hrs drive)  I talked to her, held her hand.  Apparently they can hear your voice.   I  stayed as long as I could, but had to leave and look after my Dad . I got a phone call from the hospital in Perth around 4.15am Friday morning  (aust time)  to say my Mum was gone.  The worst phone call I've ever received.  .

Thats how quick it was. The shock is huge. She was fine Wednesday night, no symptoms.

We were both very close, plus we we did craft markets for the last 18 years.  She was my best friend, not just my Mum.

Peace

HS 

Oh man what a tragedy,  i am so sorry to hear that, and i have you in my thoughts and prayers.   I can only say I know what you have went through, i was with my mom when she went to heaven, yes she could hear you and feel your love. I know its the hardest thing you will ever live through but remember she will always be by your side. Love your dad man and stay strong for him.

[Frodo]

Bro I am soooooo sorry to read your pain

I was with my Mother when she passed so I understand your pain

Do not let others tell you to get over it and move on, Take your time, speak to others about her and in time you will feel better . It must be on your terms and your schedule

I am hear to lend an ear if needed